Along with the first mix tape of 2018 I decided to write about some goals for the year. Aka New Years resolutions! Ish. I mean I'm not really the resolution-y type but I do like reflecting on things that worked. Things that didn't work. Where I was. Where I am now. And where I want to be.
And practical ways/tools to get there.
Where I was: I feel butterflies in my stomach and my armpits get sweaty. My mind recognizes this physical reaction and decides to name it anxiety and fear. As if it just comes up first in the rolodex of feelings and my mind is too lazy to keep scrolling. I start speaking to myself - "Oh no. We should panic. We are scared and nervous and not good enough and most likely going to fail and we need to protect ourselves."
Where I want to be. I feel butterflies in my stomach and my armpits get sweaty. I assess the situation. Say I am about to shoot a wedding. My mind stops making a rash meaning and names this as excitement. "This is so exciting. This wedding is going to be awesome. You have what it takes. You are prepared. Babe, you got this ."
Other things that didn't work.
Planning so many things that when someone I really love calls, I truly have no time to give them until the next week. I hope to give myself margins for the people in my life that I consider my tribe.
Looking at my phone sooo much that by the time I am done I could just push refresh and see a bunch of new insta photos. Thinking it's inspiring to just look at photographers lives and photos than living my own life and creating my own photos. It's hard for me to really be present anyway - so my phone makes it 10 times harder! I hope to set more boundaries and systems in place so I can spend less time on a device and more time hanging out with real people in the flesh. Or by myself. But the point is I hope to not be as consumed with the inter web.
More goals. Seek to understand, not to be understood. Say I am sorry sooner. Stop eating when I am 80 percent full (you know, before I am so full that I feel sick for the rest of the night). Ok that's all.
Here is the JANUARY MIX TAPE!